Me & A Gun & #MeToo

While #MeToo rages righteously, and #LifeInLeggings got itself sold off for awards and the dance with the devil in the pale moonlight, let us take a moment to remember.

Tori Amos’ “Me And A Gun” is one of the most haunting pieces of my soundtrack.

It was one of the tracks on “Little Earthquakes” that I skipped. I have dropped it from playlists and pretended that “Little Earthquakes” has no Track 9.

Not because the song is about Amos’ rape in Barbados way back in the late 80s or early 90s. I don’t skip it because it triggers me into remember my own rape on the beaches of Barbados. I don’t skip it because I feel the searing connection between Amos and myself buried inside the pain between the notes.

I skip it because it triggers memories of the aftermath of Keffi’s rape. I skip it because “Little Earthquakes” was one of our mutual favourite albums, and that track has a deep emotional significance for us both. It was part of the music connective tissue that linked Christine and I together.

It is searing and agonizing to listen to, and in my late twenties I just stopped listening to it. Self-care takes personal forms, and for me, that was one of my choices. After Christine died, that just multiplied by a factor of a thousand.

But it is a beautiful song… I was reading this article, and it triggered this memory, so I went looking for the lyrics for a Facebook post, decided to make a blog and found this. <– Especially read this.

Me And A Gun

Five a.m. Friday morning Thursday night far from sleep

I’m still up and driving can’t go home obviously

So I’ll just change direction cause they’ll soon know where I live

And I want to live

Got a full tank and some chips

It was me

And a gun

And a man

On my back

And I sang “Holly Holy” as he buttoned down his pants

You can laugh

It’s kind of funny

Things you think

Times like these

Like I haven’t seen Barbados so I must get out of this

Yes I wore a slinky red thing

Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends

Your father, Mr. Ed

It was me

And a gun

And a man

On my back

But I haven’t seen Barbados so I must get out of this

And I know what this means

Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang

And he said “It’s your choice babe just remember

I don’t think you’ll be back in three days time so you choose well”

Tell me what’s right

Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred’s Seville

It was me

And a gun

And a man

On my back

But I haven’t seen Barbados so I must get out of this

And do you know Carolina

Where the biscuits are soft and sweet

These things go through your head when there’s a man on your back

And you’re pushed flat on your stomach it’s not a classic Cadillac

It was me

And a gun

And a man

On my back

But I haven’t seen Barbados so I must get out of this

I haven’t seen Barbados so I must get out of this

Songwriters: Tori Ellen Amos

Me and a Gun lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing

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thegoddessroom

The Vault

sungoddess

mermaid, dayo's mama, water priestess, writer, web developer, omo yemoja, dos aguas, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, trini-bajan, combermerian, second life, music, music, music!