My mother’s ex-boyfriend called me a little while ago, and gave me the ‘no drugs’ speech.

Him (heavy Zimbabwean accent): If anybody tries to tempt you, think of me and say no. Just say no.

Me: I think it’s the cutest thing you’re giving me this speech at 44. I’ve never even been slightly tempted to smoke anything other than weed and tobacco.

Him: I mean the hard drugs.

Me: Never in 44 years of life have I been tempted.

Him: I want you to be safe, and you never know.

Me: Let me assure you it’s never occurred to me in my adult life. I don’t even like to drink alcohol.

Him: Just be safe. You know, the men will say, ‘You look nice, just try this.’ Promise me you say no.

NB: like I said… I think it’s the cutest thing he decided to give me this concerned speech/advice at my age.

He hung up without saying goodbye, like he forgot… and I cracked the hell up afterwards.

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The Vault


mermaid, dayo's mama, water priestess, chaNjuzu, writer, web developer, omo yemoja, dos aguas, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, trini-bajan, combermerian, second life, music, music, music!