My mother’s ex-boyfriend called me a little while ago, and gave me the ‘no drugs’ speech.
Him (heavy Zimbabwean accent): If anybody tries to tempt you, think of me and say no. Just say no.
Me: I think it’s the cutest thing you’re giving me this speech at 44. I’ve never even been slightly tempted to smoke anything other than weed and tobacco.
Him: I mean the hard drugs.
Me: Never in 44 years of life have I been tempted.
Him: I want you to be safe, and you never know.
Me: Let me assure you it’s never occurred to me in my adult life. I don’t even like to drink alcohol.
Him: Just be safe. You know, the men will say, ‘You look nice, just try this.’ Promise me you say no.
NB: like I said… I think it’s the cutest thing he decided to give me this concerned speech/advice at my age.
He hung up without saying goodbye, like he forgot… and I cracked the hell up afterwards.