I am exhausted. I have been working late into the nights to finish the site I’m working on, because chilluns, Big Mami need money.
I was in tears this morning because, there I am thinking that the money I had deposited last week (a closely guarded cheque long sitting in my purse) was going to get me through the next week or two, has somehow vanished from my account and I have no idea what bill did it.
I spent my last £3 on Thursday, taking Monilove to see the babalawo I’ve been working with.
I have not enough money to eat everyday, so I’ve been eating every other day.
I am working from 9am to 12am, 1am every night… trying to finish, and I am getting there, but not quite done yet.
I have still heard no news from the people I interviewed with two weeks ago. Not a peep.
I am feeling stretched thin, between worry and work.
My apologies to all who have been emailing etc., IM-ing etc. I’ve just been to focussed on the work, it’s like I have on blinders. I need to be paid by the end of the week (next week) so I can pay my rent, blah, blah… but I’m facing another week of abject poverty.
I haven’t gone hungry, but there’s not enough to eat properly, so I am hungry right after and with no money to buy more, I end up feeling dissatisfied.
I’m tired of making posts like these, but I know my people’s does worry when I go too long without updates. So there it is… my life as we speak.
I still have my faith, but I am ashamed to say it wavers. I have reached the bitterest end of my endurance. I feel sometimes like I am falling apart inside, but my outside is holding it together. Somedays I feel so empty… empty of drive, empty of wherewithal, empty of joy… I am officially depressed…. but I am fighting it.