Success on any major scale
requires you to accept responsibility…
in the final analysis, the one quality
that all successful people have…
is the ability to take on responsibility.
– Michael Korda
On that note, let me say this. I called my mother. I’m sending her some money, and she is going to look into my father’s situation and see how he is, make arrangements for the will.
I’m glad she’s going to go. It’ll do me a lot of good knowing she’s going to go and make sure things are being dealt with.
At least I can get some sleep, relax a little.
I’ve already felt the knots in my stomach release since she’s agreed to go down to Trinidad.
It’s her ex-husband we’re talking about, so I know what she’s doing. However, like she told me tonight, “One thing I did was raise compassionate children.”
So although this thing is looking real… that it’s going to happen, at least we’ll deal with it pro-actively as a family.
I’m still very upset, but it’s not this hyper-emotional thing. I’ve been crying off and on, but not for long and not really hard. It’s more like outflow for the tension of the last few days rather than grief proper. It’s just been dazing beyond belief…. add the commute, add the sleeplessness.
This morning, this snooty ass woman all dressed up in her expensive clothes and luxury leather asked me to turn down the volume of my iPod and nearly earned a fucking slap. I mentally thought, “Fucking move bitch if my music bothers your bony ass.”
She moved within minutes, but I did turn the fucker down.
My father may not have been much of a father to me, but he and I have made what peace we could, and there is real love and affection between us, so as hard as this is, I know I can deal with it. I guess this is partly because I know I am not alone. People who love me are in this with me, so it’s going to be hard but bearable.
The people at work were so kind to me, have been so kind to me. I have to say, no matter what, that the people I work with are very kind people.
At least, now I can focus on getting myself organised.
And by the way, this hottie at work I was telling you about–did I tell you about him? The tall, dark, bald-headed, full lipped one? (Is this sounding familiar?)
Anyway, he’s the one I’ve been watching for weeks and weeks…. for the first time today we got a chance to talk outside of the office. It was too delicious for words and an absolutely delightful diversion to my distress.
Mind you, I very ungainfully fell down, dropped both cell phones, got a wicked grass stain in my nice Gap chinos, and missed the bus. Then had to run across the campus to catch the bus on the other side.
It was so worth it.
The hottie and me sat in the middle of the back seat back of the company bus — nearly empty at that hour — no one to my left, no one to his right, pressed thigh to thigh almost the entire way down the to the train station, flirting outrageously all the way.
Ai ya… I have it on inter-office intelligence he’s not married and he tells me he lives with his brother.
Came home and tried to sleep, and couldn’t and it’s then that I waited for my mother to get home so I could call her and talk to her about all of this shit with my father.
Going to try and sleep.