I am getting used to impermanence.
This job I’ve been doing now for the last couple of months, is now approximately one month from completion. I don’t know if they’ll renew my contract, so once again, I am ramping up my efforts to find a permanent job.
Thing is, even if I get a job in London, permanent jobs simply do not pay as well as what I am doing now.
What I am doing now…. well, I won’t lie, it’s quite mundane. There’s very little exciting about it, and there are inline frustrations that have nothing to do with the people I work with, and almost every tool I regularly use breaks almost everyday.
And don’t get me started on the commute. Now I love trains; I really do. However, the train I need to get to go to work has some serious problems. You hear Londoners complain about it all the time: Transport in and out of London is in crisis and I am inclined to agree. Signal failures are so ubiquitous, that everyday some part of my commute is effected by them. This means in real terms (one of my favourite expressions, I know) that I am either late getting to work or late getting home, more the latter than the former. Everyday I get home later than I should, and at least once a week I am late for work. The end result is that although I go to sleep around 9.30pm everynight, I am always exhausted from the commute.
It hasn’t dulled my love of trains, but I am not so keen on the delays. You end up not being able to plan anything for the two hours after work itself ends.
Can’t say the people who hired me didn’t warned me. They warned me that the commute was a big. fat, hairy faced bitch, but you know to experience it is an entirely different matter.
I am trying to organise my life in a sufficient way to allow me some security, but I guess I always knew this job was just a bridge, and that it was not going to give me the security I currently crave.
However, it will allow me to replace my computer. Poor sweetbaby (my iBook’s name); it did it’s best, but it’s a 1st generation iBook, running a mere 500mhz under a G3 processor, with 320Mbs of RAM and a teeny tiny 10GB hard drive. The screen/lid has a short in the cable, so when it’s open one can’t actually see the desktop as no light shines through it, and the CD Rom drive stopped working at least eighteen months ago. Poor thing, it simply cannot sustain the work I am asking it to do.
I must save the poor thing from this hard labour in it’s old age!
So I am planning to replace it as soon as I get paid. I am quite torn too…. another iBook? A Powerbook (the price is ridiculously good at the moment)? An iMac (G4 or G5)? A sweet little Macmini (the cheapest and more than adequate for my needs)? I definitely know there’s an iPod in my immediate future, but again (:deepsigh:) dunno which one… definitely not a iPod mini or iPod shuffle (too little space), but should I hunt down an iPod 40GB (now that Apple has stopped making them)? Should I buy the iPod Photo 30GB?
Bah… my head is spinning and spinning…. it’s like a smorgasbord of technology choices and I am swamped…. I guess now is the point I ask keefs for a little advice….
In general, I am alright. I’m trying not to worry too much about anything because it isn’t worth the stress, but you know my future is still very much up in the air and there’s a real limit on how much planning I can actually do.
However, I am keeping as focussed as possible, and trying to work as hard as I can.
So there you go….
Big Mami’s stone is still rolling…. no moss can find me.
Oh did I forget to mention my birthday’s in three or so weeks? My annual identity crisis is in full swing, although this year I can say I did much of what I planned to do the last time said identity crisis hit my ass this time last year.