Lawd Oi! Meh doan know oui?
The Jamaican is still around. Came over last night, hoping to give me a tumble and pitching plenty woo.
Chile, I don’t know what happen to me. He’s been tracking serious over the last month, but while I am somewhat intrigued, I am by no means biting at the first thing. Truth be told, I’m not really willing to bite at even the second thing either.
I also think I’m giving off pheremones; like serious pheremones. All of a sudden, male interest in me is like picking up. Yet, I am unmoved; distracted… noone has piqued me to the point where I am like, “My goodness, I just have to take a ride with that one.”
Mind you, I am horny as all hell still, but just not willing to squander my body out of pure lust to discover either a) the man is intellectually inferior or b) sexually inferior or c) emotionally inferior.
Nah… I think you know, the results of my last experiement with delay and patience (YMK) provided me with not only one of best sexual experiences of my life, ut also one of my more interesting emotional encounters and ultimately I learned a lot about what I want and where I want to go.
So I am explaining all this to Jammin’ J last night, and you know he respected my position… singing me all this jazz about you know he’s a lion to my lioness; and about how ‘king muss care queen; and you are Muddah Eart and I am Faddah Time’.
Awww… all that woo in vain; the Big Mami Holdout was on and no talk could undo the choice once it had been made. At least this time we talked for hours without noticing the time and left all spiritual differences outside the conversation.
By the end of the night he gently accused me of being mean. “I’m sorry, what did you say brother? How am I being mean?”
“Man have needs…”
“So wait, what about my needs?”
In my head now: Ahhhh, fucking indeed. I had to laugh. Men want to fuck me so bad, I know I am immensely fuckable. But you know, I think they think I am naive too.
“So me not brushing you tonight is being mean?”
“Oh my GAWD, yes…”
“Yeah, whatever J.”
I sent him home at 1.3am….. without him getting even a kiss.
Am I cruel? Am I mean?
Shit…. then I am a cruel bitch, because I am not compromising on this. I prefer to take my time.
There are some real concerns I have about making any kind of relationship work with this dude, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to know if I want to step up to a level with him, unless I bloddy well know for sure what scenes he is on.
Also, I’m not sure he is the one. I don’t know what it is, but I’m just not sure.
So whether I am being mean, or he doesn’t like it, he’ll just have to like it or lump it and keep trying until I give in or he gives up. With this one, I need to be sure and take my time. With all of them… all comers, all who show up must dance my tune until them move me enough to change the beat, oui?
It’s interesting being hard to get.