So I’m moving on down the road.
I am in fact, anxiously awaiting Friday night. Not just because it’ll be an opportunity for me to talk bare shite with one of my best friends (of 18 years as I am sure I have mentioned) but after she goes down to Bim, it’ll be just a blessing to have some space to myself so (as Ms. G puts it) breathe.
Last week was one year since I broke with the ile I was in. Then I remember the panic, the worry, the impending sense of crisis and agony. I remember the sense of isolation and utter confusion, but the sure sense in my belly that the Orisas were guiding me, and that it was all the throes of negativity that I had built up and needed to throw off. (New readers can go back to last year’s archives from around the end of January through February and March, and read up if you like.)
Now, here I am.
I feel like it’s been a dream in a way. Like I’m not real and in my body, and I am afraid to wake up. All I have been praying for, working for, growing far is beginning to pass into reality.
Many people dismiss these hard parts of one’s life as these unneccessary and draining experiences, that serve no ultimate purpose. Me, I believed it too for a time, yet, as my understanding grows, I realise that these trials are neccessary friction to smooth one’s self. Like a little pebble in Osun’s water’s, only the relentless passage of water can make river rock so smooth.
Besides, as hard as the last five years have been, and in particular the last year or so, I am blessed with fortitude and perseverance. In fact, those words are now encoded as metadata in my soul…. hardwired.
I can’t say that I’m yet exactly where I want to be. However, I’m closer now than I have ever been.
I’m just bubbling along. Bubbling happily, might I add.