So here I am back in London.
I wish I could tell you all is just peachy, but it’s not. I am still abysmally broke and well I haven’t heard from that damn agency yet regarding any work.
I am staying with Monilove, and while things aren’t bad, they aren’t great either. I worry because I think some kind of fracture has occured in our relationship but I simply don’t have the emotional resources to fix it.
She has given me three weeks to stay with her, as her flatmate is coming back from St. Vincent at the end of January.
That said, one of my oldest and dearest girlfriends called me a couple nights ago and told me she’s going to Barbados for three weeks and she’d be happy to let me stay in her flat in Fulham.
She herself has been going through a rough period, but she and I have always had mad love for one another. You know, I’m beginning to think my closest friends I made before I was sixteen and all others are acquaintances.
In terms of work, I’m going to be doing some more of that part-time secutiry work. My cousin’s friend showed up–actually called me just after the White Bath on Sunday–and asked me if I needed something. It’s not much, but it’s enough for food and travel cards.
Tomorrow I’m going to see the Barbados High Commissioner here to seek his advice and counsel regarding my traumas and dramas.
I want to be upbeat, but the thing I fight the most these days is exhaustion…. exhaustion born of stress, worry and depression.
There… that’s it, I’m depressed.
My Ancestors are working for me, I have good Spirit working on my behalf, and I feel as though my travails are coming to an end. It’s coming up in my Tarot, other forms of divination, yet it’s hard to let go of my concern for my future.
All of Sunhead is down. All of it and I need to get it back up. I have $10 in my PayPal account thanks to the ever lovely, always supportive Prettytrini, butit’s not enough to get it back up.
I am tired of writing these ‘woe is me’ entries, but I have very little else to report.
My faith has been stretched and pulled like taffy and it is only because the Orishas are blessing me constantly with food to eat and a roof over my head that my faith has not been lost completely.
The White Bath was a calming experience. I also gave my Ori some coconut water, and have promised to feed it every two weeks in the same manner. I have started offering my Ancestors coffee and prayers in the morning again. What’s interesting is it doesn’t feel like a chore, and I am seeking communion with them, because it is only through the blessings of my Ori and my Ancestors that I can get through this.
I am good for a place to stay until the 4th of March, and I have a little pick for the next few weekends, so at least, as always all hope is not lost. Except this struggle has taken it’s toll on me.