Hum Drum And Bah Humbug Bitch

So I am back in Essex. Blah.

I’m still fighting depression and really, truly, I still hate Christmas. I cannot wait for the fucking thing to be over.

I am so cold; it is so cold here, and the house has no central heating so I am freezing in or outside of the house.

I am getting so sick of living out of suitcases. I hate the confusion it engenders.

So I’m back in the sticks. My life is much the same. I cannot report anything wonderful, because not much along those lines has happened in recent weeks.

I find myself fighting tears all the time. Too often. I am relentlessly lonely and I can’t seem to stop thinking about YMK, who I fear is lost to me.

More than that, I just need a job I can survive on, because I can’t take much more of this. My mother is just waiting, waiting for me to call her and say, “Can you send me a ticket to come ‘home’?”

I am still trying to keep my spirits up, but it’s been so hard. I feel so isolated. Even in a crowd, with people, friends, family whatever, I feel disconnected and on the periphery, because I am not living. I am not even sure I’m surviving right now.

Despondency is threatens to get the better of me.

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The Vault


mermaid, dayo's mama, water priestess, writer, web developer, omo yemoja, dos aguas, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, trini-bajan, combermerian, second life, music, music, music!