So the dam has broken…
Yesterday I sent an e-mail asking YMK to send me my course materials for my E-commerce course, and inqured after the remaining money for my bed.
I only inquired, because…. if I have to think about him fucking his (ex)girlfriend in that bed, I want the rest of the money for it, so I can mentally divorce myself from it.
He wrote me back a nasty little e-mail telling me he’d send me all my books (I left a huge box of books under that self same bed), the photos of me I left him, the two letters I sent him that he left unopened and unread for weeks and weeks, and the money for the bed. He added that since he was sending me all my things, there was no need for him to take his vacation and come and visit me in England. He asked if all that would make me happy.
So, the tears I felt weren’t there…. came. Now I can’t stop crying it seems.
I wrote him back a long e-mail, telling him what would make me happy, but I can’t share it here. I can’t even organise my thoughts enough right now to even put this down. I can’t even see the fucking screen, damnit!
I hate men! I hate relationships! I hate the way they creep inside you and break your heart so completely, and shit… where did all my objectivity go? Where did all my cool go? Mama Osun flows through my tears… all the sweet, salty water in my body flowing and coming out…
How is it that I could be in this place again? I’m wandering around a room in my mind listlessly pulling tiles from the walls, glancing out on a window onto a beautiful landscape where small imps are playing in the sunshine… laughing at me.