I’m probably going back down to Kent this evening or tomorrow morning. If I don’t, what little money I have left will not last the end of the week. (It’s that bad.)
Mind you, it’s not all doom and gloom.
When I left Trinidad, I prayed, focussed a great deal of prayer and ritual to making sure that once I left Trini I wasn’t going to be destitute, that I would get a good job and I would be taken care of.
Although the job hasn’t come yet, in truth, I have never been without. I have never gone hungry, I have never been without enough money to get anywhere, I have never been without somewhere to stay.
I can only hold on to my faith, and accept that the right job for me is going to arrive at the right time.
I have poured much of my worry and concern into this blog, but I am beginning to let go of a lot of it, because over this weekend I realised that Mama Osun is watching over me. She is taking care of me and I am allowing her too.
Things are rough, I won’t lie. In my soul though, I know things are the way they are for a reason, and I must accept that my time and Orisas time are not the same time.
Monilove said something similar to me some years ago, and it’s advice that I hold on to, because I realise how true it is.
All those years I was in Barbados and I felt like the walls of my life were closing in, and there was no where to go, no way to get there and no means by which to travel; all of that time I prayed for a solution. I prayed for God to open the road to understanding for me. I was trapped and it was a palpable thing, not something imagined or slight.
In the last nine months (long enough to gestate a future and birth it) I have changed my life. It was an inexorable process. One I have had little choice but to weather and sustain myself as the high winds of Change at Mama Oya’s behest blew all familiarity and broke bonds and ties holding me back, holding me down.
So now, it is time for the new child of my soul to be born. This new person I have been growing into, must come out into the world.
I have been cradled and sustained by the womb of my own understanding and the inexhaustible love of the Universe. I feel I am where I am supposed to be. I am doing what I am supposed to do. My belly talks to me and tells me so.
I have NEVER been without love or support, and I am blessed many times over by the friends I have and what family I claim.
Not only that, none of my prayers so far look impossible, in fact I see the threads of their tapestry wrapping, looping, creating this new fabric, new swaddling for this soul’s child about to be born.
I am so grateful for that Unconditional Love; that fruit Mama Osun brings to mankind. I have been sweetened, softened and yet made strong and tough.
I have never been without resources. I always have enough to get what I need.
I am fortunate. Fortunate beyond even my words to describe.
I am a lucky woman.
Today I go for pepper soup from a newly minted friend, a German Obatala child. Then it is back down to the calming relaxing boonies.
BTW: Almost a thousand visitors and bots came by on Friday. Hello beautiful world!