I am pounding out this quick entry I’ve been delaying for days.
I am off to London. My bags are packed (again), my mother is harrassing me to get up from in front the computer and my nerves are jumping so I have to move fast.
I spoke to YMK this morning…. sweet, sweet, too sweet. Candy words for me. He’s following me!
I told my mother I was worried about her here alone in the house.
She came in a minute ago and said, “How can you be worried about me? How could you? You’re seeing me stronger than I’ve been in my entire life.”
I looked across at her and said, “You’re right.”
“Not only that, but I’m only doing for you, what you’ve done for me for a long time.”
I jumped up, threw my arms around her and told her, “I love you Mummy!” with the happiest kind of childlike, free-like joy.
My mummy is SAVED! She is breaking free and throwing off the veils and it means so much to me that as I embark on this journey, not only am I cool with all the people that matter to me, but that my mother is free, growing and STRONG, STRONG and loving me back.
“I love you too.” For the first time in my life, she hugged me back completely. She hugged me like she’s never hugged me before and the words came out so freely and unforced, and I am empowered to the core of my soul by it. I am crying happy tears as I cast off the remnants of my old life and start a new one.
“Besides, England isn’t that far,” she added. “She added it’s not like I married J (her last boyfriend) and moved to Zimbabwe.”
My mother just gave me my wings.
And I really do have a plane to catch!
I have to be at the airport at 3pm. It’s twenty minutes to two and I still have shit to do.
Wish me well… wish me safe…
I’ll catch up with all of you on the other side.
Blessings and Good Things.
Big Mami out.