Yesterday I had my first brat attack.
YMK had to cancel on our weekend hookup, so there was no loving in my bedroom this weekend. It’s not just that. I miss talking with him like before. Down here, there’s no one to keep me company, no one to expect.
On Saturday, when he told me it was hard, but I tried to understand. I missed him, but got through the day without undue stress.
Yesterday, I became petulant and brattish. By three o’clock I called YMK up, and almost threw a tantrum, because I wanted him to come and see me, like right now!
He patiently explained why he couldn’t come, and asked me why I was so upset. All I could tell him was that I was afraid of what would happen once I left Trinidad.
“Do you think I’m not going to follow you to England?”
“I don’t know! I just don’t know what to expect, and I don’t want to expect too much and I’ve been hurt so much in the past.”
“Why are you so worried?”
“Because I really care about you, and I’ve been so disappointed in the past, that I don’t want to be forgotten or put in the past when I get on the plane. I want to see you all I can now, because I’m afraid now is all we have.”
“How can you say that? I’m coming to England.”
“You say that now, but how that’s all six months from now, a year from now!”
“It won’t be that long. How do you know it won’t be sooner than that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like you know, you don’t know when you’re going to see me, and I’ll be at your door step and you’ll have to take me in.”
“Like one day you’re going to just turn up in England?”
“You never know.”
“Don’t tease me!” Fucking annoyed for real now.
“I’m not teasing you!”
I sighed deeply.
“Just forget it, just forget the whole thing.”
“Now you’re making me feel bad baby! Is this what it’s going to be like having you as a girlfriend? Tell me now.”
“And what dat mean?” Completely perplexed.
“You’re worrying too much baby. Stop worrying.”
“I’m not worrying!” A minute pause, “Okay, I am worrying, but I can’t help myself.”
“Don’t worry baby. I know I can’t come down to see you tonight, but don’t worry. Just know that whereever I am, whatever I’m doing, I’m thinking about you and you’re on my mind.”
I sighed again.
“Okay,” I replied, still in a pet, but less so.
This morning I called him back and apologised for being brattish, he said he understood.
“I miss you, baby,” he whispered.
“I miss you too baby, bad, bad,” I replied.