Nobody can’t tell me I and I don’t know I mother, oui?
This morning, at six o’clock bright and early, my telephone rang.
“Hello,” I grogged.
“It’s me. Are you okay?” she asks.
“Hi Mummy, yes I’m fine.”
She tests the water to see if I am angry or anything, and asks me if my ex-boyrfriend called me.
“Yes, I spoke with him on Saturday,” I replied.
After I got off the phone and away from the fight with my mother on Saturday morning, I called him up. He was the only other person I knew who could help me in Barbados.
I explained the situation to him. He told me he has some money put down that he can’t touch. If he does that, the bank will penalise him, I told him I wasn’t asking him to help me to his own detriment.
In the end, he said maybe he could raise what I needed in a couple of weeks. I explained to him, he could have the money back, I just needed to show the High Commission the bank statement. He didn’t say much else, just told me he would do what he can to help me, that he always will.
On a side note: If ever there was a man I regret things not working out with, it is RBB(Bim). It’s just that he would do almost anything to help me, to make me happy, and I love him for that. I love him for himself as well, but you know it means so much that he’s willing to help me this way even though we’ve been over for more than year.
So at least I have a backup plan for my backup plan.
Okay, on with this morning’s story.
After a couple minutes of chit chat, my mother just shocks me. She did something I don’t think she’s ever done before.
“Let’s not fight. I think we’re too old to fight like before,” she pleaded. “Let’s not let the past control us.”
She goes on to tell me she hopes I don’t think she is against me going to England. She really wants me to go, and she’s sorry for reacting so badly the last time we talked. She had already made up her mind, weeks ago, to save a chunk of seed money for me to travel up with, it’s just that she’s really low right now, and can’t do anything for the moment.
She tells me, she wants to apologise profoundly for whatever pain and suffering she has caused me over the years. She says she doesn’t want the past to choke off our future. She said she’s glad to have had me in her life, because without me, a lot of the pain and abuse of her past would have killed her. She says I was the one who brought her back from the brink, and kept her straight. She tells me all this, choking back emotion and tears.
I sat there, kind of stunned. This is and was totally new. Maybe all those fervent conversations, where I am exhorting her to reach for light and love with both hands have sunk in. Maybe my pushing her to face her demons has paid off. Maybe my steadfast refusal to sink down to the level she goes to, has paid off.
Then she drops a bomb: She’s going to go into therapy, and start working on some of her most major issues.
Later, “You are my only daughter, and I love you!”
Me, I hid my shock and surprise by not saying much at all, I’m not used to her being either apologetic or that aware of herself. Oh my goodness, and an “I love you” too? I feel like I’ve fallen into the twilight zone. My mother never volunteers those kinds of declarations. She also never says ‘I Love You,’ without me saying it first. It was like a complete 360degree turn, or personality shift.
In short, despite the viciousness of our skirmish on Saturday, all is well. She told me again this morning, she really does support my efforts to go, and she’ll help me with money when I get ready to go. Didn’t I say she was going to call me back and make peace?
I am typing in a state of stunned, “like wow!” Because it wasn’t like the truculent peace(s) of the past. No, no, my Mummy outdid herself this morning!
I definitely didn’t expect that.
Also, if that ain’t the way to start a Monday morning, then I don’t know what is.