It’s 5 am as I write and I am too excited to sleep, and I’ve been up for about and hour and a half.
I packed my yellow tub with the food and potables from my kitchen, and have started to separate what clothes I am taking with me. I’ve paused to blog.
I’m supposed to go down into the market to get some vegetables and protein so we can cook and maintain the lime when we get up the road. I’m going to need to get down there by about eight o’clock, so I can try to catch the grocery too, although I doubt they’ll be open on Good Friday, but hey, we’ll see.
We have to load C’s pickup, wait for the taxi… hopefully, SD1 will not fraud out on us. She was kind of wobbling yesterday afternoon, but we’ll see if she shows in the morning. Most of my friends, well at least within my social group, have said they were going to come up, at least on one night. I’d like my brother and his girlfriend, and her two good friends and the children to come too, I always have great laughs with them around.
Yesterday was my brother’s girlfriend’s youngest daughter’s birthday, and when she came to the office, she almost jumped into my arms, and I hopped around and sang happy birthday to her, while she giggled and giggled. I said, “Gimme a hug!”
She threw her arms around me and gave me a right proper squeeze.
Life is simple pleasures.
Young Mr K, is going to get a shave, get some goodies to add to the pool, and meeting me back at my place; we hope to get going by about 11am tomorrow. I hear there is going to a lot of traffic and police roadblocks all the way up there.
Trinis flock to the sea on Easter Weekend… there have loads of people I know who have gone to Tobago. Me, I just still can’t fucking believe I am going to be 30 on Tuesday.
So here’s the thing folks: I am going into radio silence this weekend. I’m going to take my laptop, so I will write while I’m up there, but no posts this weekend. I’ll post whatever I have when I get back. There is no land line access where we are going, and very little cell phone access either.
**freaking out moment**
When I come back, I’ll be 30. Dudes, I’m still like dazed. Funny thing is, I’ve had a great week. I’ve worked really hard, and I have had some really stirring good sex two nights in a row, and praise God and Mama Osun, I’ll be getting some again over the weekend.
Inside, I feel like I broke the back of my twenties. The amazing stress and frustration that I have experienced, seems to have just evaporated. I suppose I shouldn’t be amazed. That’s what going to see Astra in February was about, it was what going to see Mother Joan and getting the baths was about. To get rid of the effects of the spell, to get the information I needed to protect me from the jealousies and envy of sad people, one in particular, and their efforts to hamper and thwart me. Can’t do better, say no matter.
I have these weird moments, when I feel disoriented, because there’s been so much crap I’ve been walking around with, and no matter how much I let go, the effects of the spell bound so much negativity to me. It’s been almost a shock, because that weight truly feels gone. It was so familiar a feeling, that to realise it’s not there, looming over me, is sometimes both a liberating breath of lucidity and freedom.
I’m just starting to get a grip on what life is like, or could be without the weight of other people’s bullshit; without my own bullshit. Not to feel constrained by anything or anyone, that all is within my grasp. The struggle is my life, said Nelson Mandela, and I think the struggle continues; however, the spiritual, mental agility that fighting this recent psychic battle and winning has given me.
A few months ago, I was asking the Universe for help, to send me warriors to help me defend myself against the onslaught, to buffer me and protect me now that my struggle brought me almost to the point of exhaustion.
I’ve been telling people for about five years, I plan to be an amazing woman in my 30s. I told people, I know I was going to get all I wanted in life, and it was going to start when I got here, to this point I am standing on now.
How far I have come. Such a perilous journey, fraught with all kinds of fear. It feels so different to step forward not hearing the voice of fear as loud as before….
How far I have come. In the simplest terms, check it: I entered my 20s not being able to achieve orgasm, not even through masturbation. I am leaving my 20s more in tune with my body than I have ever been.
When I was nine, I wanted dimples. I got the first one when I was nineteen, I have about six now.
I had a predilection for Marmalade Atkins as a girl, and now I have developed an adult addiction to Winnie-the-Pooh. By the way, I paid for my own birthday cake. Lol! I feel so much like myself, and yet, so different.
Since my teens, my birthdays stopped feeling different. They melted into these days where, I had got to the point where it was just another day. The last few birthdays have been a little shitty too. This one, already feels different. I can’t wait to get to the beach and relax. I can’t wait until Tuesday, even if I have to go to work. FOCK EET! Happy Birthday To Me!
C says he’ll come back down on Saturday to collect my Winnie-the-Pooh cake, and bring it back up to Blanchisseuse on Saturday night. I just want to eat his nose! HAHA! My Winnie-The-Pooh cake is a gel iced, airbrushed confection, with Pooh on the cover in yellow of course, and with ights, gold and green colours all around the side. It’s a chocolate cake…. like the only cake I truly love, (like dark skinned, chocolate coloured men, yum, yum! **shivers down the spine**) and my traditional birthday cake.
I wish so many of my JS peeps were going to come and hang this weekend.
BTW: I am a comment whore. You may not know this about me, but I am. I find I am going to have to take a page out of moonboy’s book, and say, allyuh not leaving enough talk. Me like the talk… Big Mami like chat. Oi, mind meh, chat not rudeness oui! lol
Blessings and Good Things!