This morning for the first time in a long time, I sat with my Ancestors. I brought coffee and fresh water. I lit frankincense to make the air fragrant for them. I said my Mojuba…. and called the names of my blood ancestors and my communal ancestors.
I told them about what was happening with me, fought the wandering of my mind, and offered them some Peace Powder as well. I asked them about England, and about when was a good time to leave. I asked and July 1st was confirmed. I asked about giving up my apartment, next week, got a confirmation. My belly is telling me that it’s the right thing to do.
At any rate, I feel better having talked with them this morning. There’s a part of me that’s been brakesing from steady, ritualised prayer. I’ve been brakesing from the morning meetings, that for a long time, had a similar feeling like my meetings over coffee my grandfather and I shared as a child. I blame the effects of the spell, and my own self crossing. For so long it was so hard to talk to them, to explain how difficult it was to settle to reconcile the things going on. I also felt guilty, stuck in a very Catholic guilt complex, about not going and feeling bad about the lengths of time between conversations with them.
It’s actually because I’ve reading this book, Finding Soul on The Road To Orisa, by Tobe Melora Correal, and the way she explains the relationship with Ancestors, that has made me feel as though I can start talking with them again.
Most important, it’s better to come in honesty and truth, and with true intentions, rather than feeling obligated to come.
That was the problem before. I felt as though if I didn’t come, it was going to be drama, and that they would be angry. But the Egun, the one’s who have my best interests at heart, they are loving and understanding and aren’t judging me because I was slogging through some rough patches. I felt in a latent, Catholic way that they would turn their backs on me.
The last time I made any offering for them, it was with my brother, his girlfriend and the children in the house. I felt uncomfortable trying to talk and work for Egun, with them around, because I know they didn’t understand what I was doing.
I forgot to mention that. They found an apartment, and they’ve gone off to do their nuclear-family thing. I’m so happy for them! My brother was so nervous the day before he left, he threw up until he was empty. He’s never taken on so much responsibility before, but I think he’ll do just fine! From what I’ve seen, he has a good handle on everything.
With them gone, the place has been a lot quieter, but the first night I came home and they were gone, I had myself a good cry, because I know I was going to miss them. That’s me, sentimental.
I’ve slowly been reclaiming my space, and now I am reaching a level of calm I haven’t had or felt in a long time, I feel it’s easier to go to the sacred spaces and pray.
This morning was a comfortable affair. I felt good to talk with them, and their guidance was greatly appreciated.
So I am going forward with the day now. It’s a good way to start.