I am becoming such a socalite. I’ve had two big limes at my house in a month, I’ve been feteing, liming, hanging out.
It’s amazing. My life has changed! I spent my twenties taking care of my brother, working for and worrying about money, and with very little to spare.
All of a sudden, it’s as if the Universe is giving as many opportunities to be young and enjoy my life. It’s like beginning to smack me in the nose that I am going to be 30 in month and that officially, my wild and furry youth will be over. Except, it was furry, by not really that wild. I don’t really think high melodrama counts as wild. Does it?
Anyhoo, with a social group, now more than one it seems, I have been pulled out of my house and dragged into fetes and limes, whether I liked it or not. At least I have had fun.
It’s just that, I haven’t had much of a social life at all, so this is a strange experience, to be feteing, and hanging and chilling with people.
My apartment was quiet, silent even, with cave-like qualities. Over the last month or so, it’s become full of people.
My brother came up to stay with me a week almost two weeks ago. Of course, he and his girlfriend came to stay, accompanied by her youngest daughter (The Doodle) who is also keifel‘s second born female child. Now both of these little girls are cool. I really, really like them both. They’re both intelligent and physically beautiful, and well, I’m you know Big Mami… love babies and small ones. Want some!
KEEFS, you must come and hang a little with us before you take off….. you can’t leave us out!
So my days have been filled with the baby’s giggling, her singing, her very seriously delivered, articulate statements about whatever it is she feels to share, and her other mysterious wonderful, almost-four-years-old qualities. This weekend, the big daughter was here and we talked quite a bit, and I started teaching her to play jacks. I want to get her up to Championship, Tournament level in six short months. It’s also meant, in less than a year since the last time, I am now living with my brother again. He says it’s only for a few weeks, and I am not really put out. So at this stage there is no imposition. Also both of them are pitching in around here, and because of the pain in my arm, it’s good to have that kind of help around here, believe that. My domestic goddess card has been revoked!
Well it’s not for long. I offered without thinking, and it was the right thing to do. I knew that his girlfriend came with package. I also think that anything I can do, any part I can play in sparing her abuse by anyone, I will do. I can’t help but still feel a little disappointed, that even now, after all that happened and is happening, she and I cannot seem to every get back that friendly vibe. I’m still really sorry about that.
Let me tell you about this little moment last night. So there were a whole bunch of my brother’s girlfriend’s friends at home by me last night. When she told me about them coming though, it wasn’t “Listen, I would like to invite some of my friends over tonight.” it was, “I have invited some people over tonight, if it’s okay with you.” I said yes without thinking about it, but in retrospect, I think language is funny…. :sigh: Anyway, after, when everyone was leaving, she and my brother were wrapped around each other, and her remaining just got married friends were wrapped around each other, and for a moment, I envied all four of them, and felt my loneliness very acutely.
I also had to listen to parts of the whole gory tale between my brother, his girl and her brother, that I hadn’t heard before. It was hard, but I said very little. I so wanted to say, something, but I just listened and said nothing, or rather very little and when I said it, I said it under my breath. I just felt I couldn’t make too many declarative comments or statements.
I had a good time at least, I like her friends. They are a real interesting, clever, quick-witted bunch and I like people like that. Laughing and shit talk has it’s merits, fi real!
Right now, I am sitting on my bed, trying find the energy to get up and go to work. I am so demotivated right now, because it’s just slogging through and trying to be productive, but knowing that truly, very little time is really needed to get this job done. All that is required is research ability and a little organisation.
Bah! They’ve offered me some more responsibility, and I asked for more money, maybe that will motivate me.
Other than that, all I can tell you is, besides money and shit, all things in my life are starting to feel a little easier. Things are not near perfect, but there are some very interesting developments, and I’m enjoying this change.
I have felt I needed to lighten up for years. I didn’t know how and when, but I have needed to lessen the weight of the things that have held me down, blocked my spiritual and material progress. Now that I am taking steps to change my spiritual and temporal states though ritual; I believe the strength to commit more time to that development, and laying out the template of my existence so my life can be shaped into what it needs to be.
I intend to have fun right now though. I need to learn how to enjoy myself. I haven’t done that in so long.
Last night as I went to sleep, I felt myself vibrating……. I smiled a little, because I could feel that Benevolent Female Force, that loves me and protects me, there with me in the room. When I am very quiet, I can hear her whispering to me. Whispering me to sleep, and to wakefulness.
Blessed baby I am…