So I am set to be in Bim tomorrow morning, and the first thing I am going to do once I am free to do it, is go to see Astra. I don’t care if I have to sit on her doorstep all day, I am going to find her and seek her counsel.
I also think I am going to blow off this meeting with Iya and Kambiri this afternoon. I’m not doing it out of disrespect or anything. I just am too upset still to have a rational conversation about it. I need to feel strong, calm and in a good place to talk to them. Right now I am none of those things. No, I lie; I am calm. I’ve buried my nervousness and fear far below the surface. To everyone else, it seems as though I’m on top of things and in control, but I know I am not and I just keep trying to roll with the punches. I just don’t think this situation is best served by panicking and freaking out.
I need to step completely back, emotionally, mentally and physcially, so I can assess and gather the shreds of my wisdom and knowledge and apply it in a way all of us can grow and develop from. I’m too close to my emotions right now to have a conversation with Iya and Kambiri that won’t devolve in some way.
So I called and left a message for Iya that I can’t make it.
Tomorrow I’ll find Astra, and go see Mother Joan next week with Eze.
I never doubt the Universe. When I need something is appears. Which is why, as much as I am removing myself from the community in the way I have been participating, I know I was there, am still involved for a reason. However, the Universe always seems to present me with opportunities and I have to take them, and try to work everyone to my advantage. Right now, I need to find other sources to get the inspiration, strength and courage to face these imminent challenges.
I also think I am due for a nice long period of calm and restfulness from stress and pressure. Pressure is meant for tires and water pipes; not for people.
I know I will find the protection to ward of the negative forces at work against me, and I will push through this. At no time have I lost hope, but it’s been hard, hard, hard toil and trouble, (wo)man!
Bleah…. going to microwave my coffee. I have no cigarettes in the house, and I have to go pay my light bill. (Isn’t that a metaphor in itself?)