So I just got off the phone with Iya. We’ve scheduled a meeting to talk about these things that have been bothering me, scheduled it for 1pm tomorrow.
Iya was very understanding when I spoke to her this morning. I was very circumspect, choosing my words in such a way as to not really go into details, or say anything, but I did tell her I was having trouble being honest with her. I told her I didn’t want to hurt her. She told me not to worry about that.
She told me I didn’t need to feel bad for feeling my road led elsewhere. She told me how she felt about what brought her into the tradition, and despite all the flaws in human nature, this was where she was going to stay.
I told her I didn’t feel that way.
It’s not the tradition, for me it’s the community.
Going up to Barbados is going to be freaky on Saturday. One of my best friends DivaGirl is moving into my mother’s adjoined apartment this weekend.
I also want to go and find Astra again. I think another conversation, a taped conversation will go a long way towards clearing up a lot of shit right now.
I also really want to go to Keffi’s grave. I desperately want to take something pretty there with me, a tube of lipstick, so eyeshadow or something and leave them at the grave there with her. I need to say prayers for my sister. I wish she was here with me now. I wish I could tell her all of these things and she could tell me some shit back. s
I must tell you, I am getting so good a typing after a twelve year career as a journalist and web developer that I typed that paragraph about Keffi through my tears and I didn’t make a single error. She would have found that hilarious. **soblaugh**
I also want to go and hug my UT. To tell him how much I appreciate him and his presence in my life. He’s one of the few real allies I feel I have left to me.
I was in an IM session with him a few nights ago and he told me reads my blog almost every day, and I was amazed! I knew he passed through sometimes, but he says he reads almost everything, and I was truly amazed. He says he’s been to see all my pics in my gallery, including the stuff on apetebii.com
I was touched by that. I don’t know how many people from my ‘in the flesh’ life are reading my blog, but allyuh need to holla for real. No haters though. Getting a reverse polariser for allyuh ass.
On with the story (yes on with the story)…
That UT cares enough to come a read every day, is appreciated. It makes the throbbing in my right arm so worth it. That may see extreme to say, but it hurts to blog sometimes. It hurts to write on so many levels. That people love me enough to come a read, it’s a good feeling and also that people offer me feedback on ideas, offer support and encouragement, that’s a good feeling. A nice bit of validation.
Okay, another amazing fact about this post: I’ve have three phone calls already this morning, typed this and haven’t had coffee yet.