I am under attack. Someone is doing me so much with their wicked intent towards me, that my body is and has been reacting from the stress and pressure. My spirit has been lacerated and whipped, my heart squeezed and mashed.
Someone has been hurting me, blocking me, oppressing me and the person is someone in my life. Someone I know. I just can’t figure out who it is.
I have enemies. Not one, more than one. This one is a serious threat. A serious threat, that in every foray into the divine, for sign and message, comes down to this attack; by this enemy.
Now that I can no longer dismiss this as a reality, I am very confused about how to handle and deal with this case.
I have to fight back, but how do you fight an enemy you cannot see? Someone hiding in plain sight. Someone duplicitous enough to smile at me, and hold such wicked malice in their hearts and to direct it at me.
I don’t deal with confrontation well. When I was younger, my anger was this coiling beast inside of me that was destructive, brainless and worst, inarticulate. As I have gotten older, I have grown to the point that I must think deeply before I can act. This I think of as a good thing, but I miss the ability to repel with force sometimes. I have though, become far more articulate in my anger. Slower to burn, my fuse grows and grows and grows longer with every year.
I am angry in a way, I do not think I should express in voice. To express it is to howl with rage. Now that someone has been exposed as duplicitous interloper, bent on my destruction, I must not and cannot concentrate on how, and why, I must focus on how to fix this thing. How to free myself of these bonds and the web tangled around me.
How do I fight? I am weak from years of struggling against this binding built out of this woman’s jealousy and hate; I have struggled against something without a name, but a palpable force preventing my progress; true progress. I am weakened. Greatly weakened by this fight, and it’s not that I am spent, it is that I need help.
I need warriors to fight for me. Protectors and healers. This is not a fight I can win alone. This scares me; to need help, to be so vulnerable. There is so much I don’t understand and maybe that is part of the attack, to force me into a kind of complacent powerlessness. Like Theoden of Rohan.
I need a spellbreaker, a hex remover, a protective energy to descend on me and ward off all attack until I have recuperated. I also worry about the people I have sought out for help; they who have the ability to help me. Why they’ve taken so long to help me? I have never stopped speaking about this. I have long spoken about the readings and the messages; why is it that helping me, going out of their way for me is so hard? Sometimes I feel as though they simply don’t see or understand, or have enough knowledge to know what to do. In which case, what am I really learning in my joint experience with them? The only thing I can come up with is patience. Patience and fortitude.
I don’t know who to trust in this fight, who to turn to, what to do. Right now, all I can do is listen to the whispering in my heart. Listen carefully, and hope the answer will come. Pray for help. Pray for warriors!
Pray to see my enemy and to be alert and to be aware! Pray for healers.