I have decided not to make any resolutions. These days I am thinking in doing that I am setting myself up for failure. I vacillated for days on this, should I make resolutions, should I just fuck off with it.
In the end, I felt that I’d prefer to do a retrospective on my birthday, because New Years is only New Year’s because some idiot, using a faulty calendar decided January 1st was it.
I am in a bad mood the last few days. My mother’s visit has left me in a blue funk, and I don’t know what to do about it. Actually, as is being planned for, I am in training to be a priestess, I know what I must do. I need to get me to the river.
I am going to get a recipe for a bath, and I am going to go to the river and do the work. I need cleansing. Mentally and emotionally, I am drained from the last year and it’s also manifesting itself as physical exhaustion. So I need to clean myself up and out.
I am trying to keep everything in perspective, but from where I sit, it’s quite hard.
Work is getting better, but is still dissatisfying and in strange ways very fucking demeaning. However, I am slogging through. Chile, I just trying to focus my energies and building myself up.
My arm still hurts, my body feels weak, and my spirit is running on pure fumes and not fuel. I need love. I miss being held, and I long for that. I hate watching romantic comedies now, because I think they’re a Hollywood conspiracy. I keep thinking when is it going to be my turn?
I wish I were original, but I am knee deep in the human condition, and we all suffer the same maladies.
All I know is, I’ll make my resolutions when I turn 30.