See Me And Don’t See Me Bitch!

Last Friday, I went into town. I was itching and in pain, and frustrated by being cooped up in the house.

I also wanted to get some comfrey and valerian root to help me with the healing process and change some BDS money to TT.

I stopped by my favourite record store to see if the copy of Missy Elliot’s ‘Supa Dupa Fly’ that I had order two months ago had arrived, and PRAISE GOD, it was there so I bought it on the spot.

I had clean forgotten that it was the last Friday in the month and the last day of the month, so by the time I got to the bank and saw the crowd milling, I was discouraged to actually go and change the money. But, since I knew it was going to be the last time I was going to be in town for a few weeks, so I forced my self to join the crowd.

While I was standing there, my eye began to twitch. I shared a few words with the people around me, and this lady told me ‘Girl, you ain’t want nobody bounce ya down wit dat hand.”

As I turned back and told her, “You sure right, I feel if somebody bounce me, ah beating them with my umbrella.”

She laughed, and as I turned back to the front, you will never guess who I saw. Standing right there at the back of the line, wearing a baseball cap, a light blue shirt I remembered and a pair of shades I didn’t, ear pressed to his cell phone; Sweet Thing!

I flushed hot. Heat flooded through me, and a knot developed in my throat. I smiled grimly to myself, and shook my head. Irony is my friend, my constant companion. I wasn’t sure that he had seen me, that I should speak. All my talk of kicking his ass the next time I saw him went flying out the window. All I could hear was my heart pounding and the blood rushing in my ears.

Jess like that! Dry so! I could just see him in the road like that.That motherfucker!

The lady behind me said, “Gyul, step forward so the security guards and dem could see you and let them let you in earlier that the rest, because when them open door, is a push down scene.”

I stepped forward.

Three minutes before three they called me to the side door, and as I stepped out of the crowd, I walked right behind him. I didn’t acknowledge his presence or that I saw him at all. Didn’t even look at him.

I stepped up and into the bank I went. I conducted my business and he was in a queue that faced me as I walked out of the bank, my head held high, my broken arm tucked and slung, and stepped out of the bank, again without looking at him or acknowledging his presence in any way.

As I crossed Independence Square, the rain falling in driving lines, and feeling sweaty, hot and miserable, I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Fucking Coward!”

Who was I talking about? Him or me? Both of us?

I know he had to have seen me, out of the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me.

Three months ago, I would have cried and barely made it home before collapsing in a puddle inside my front door.

Last Friday I didn’t shed a single tear. I am too angry to cry over that trifling lying coward anymore.

I don’t know how I feel anymore about him. Whether I loved him or not, or whether I still do. I just know I ain’t crying about that shit anymore, and until I get apology from him for his fucked up treatment of me, he has been entered into what is called, the See Me and Don’t See Me category.

Later that night, I got a PM from one of Tribers telling me that mizzthongs/Trinilicious told him what had happened between me and Sweet Thing, and that how she reads my blog to remind herself that I was evil.

I was upset, but I mostly laughed, because I can’t believe how fucking immature she is. I knew it all along, but had thought better of her. Now I have had to reiterate my statement. I had tried to be sympathetic and alternately struggled with bouts of jealously, but I’m not stupid enough to think that this was her fault.

I just think she’s stupid.

She is as much a coward as he is! At least I have the cojones to keep blogging through the drama and I am not afraid of putting my heart out there, I never held back, never played the games they are both obviously quite comfortable playing with one another and him with me. But what’s more, I didn’t turn tail and run like they both did.

I am the only one left on this battlefield, sword still drawn, helm unblemished and ready to fight!

I am connecting with my inner bitch, so here’s one for ya:

I don’t think so.

My eye twitched until Saturday morning, what do you think that means? Could it be warrior’s blood lust pulsing?

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thegoddessroom

The Vault

sungoddess

mermaid, dayo's mama, water priestess, writer, web developer, omo yemoja, dos aguas, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, trini-bajan, combermerian, second life, music, music, music!