This morning I woke up to the sound of a sledge hammer hitting the wall somewhere in the building. Turns out my neighbour had made arrangements for the installation of her air-conditioner to commence this morning, and assumed because I was an early riser, I would already have been up. I had already been up, but I went back to sleep. It was less than a lovely interjection of communal life.

Chile, the horny thing still dey and have me feenin’ like a bitch!!! Gawd oi!!! The thing is, I personally am not feeling my masturbatory shower antics right now. This level of physical need is not going to be satisfied by the shower anymore… all it does is take off the edge of my need and immediately following the relief make wanting actual penetration — accompanied by warm skin, soft tongues and dark words whispered, worse so I don’t think that the shower is the solution right now. Sweetness is the solution, sweetness and affection and massive amounts of totie insertion is the solution to my current problem.

I am thinking about going to a fete tonight. I don’t know if I can afford to go or if my press pass will work, but I am thinking about it at least. I actually got up and put on a few outfits seriously considering it. I am such a homebody. I guess I work so hard, my home is like my refuge from the craziness out there. Feteing is like craziness to me, I turned my back on it so long ago, I don’t know what it would take for me to revisit that lifestyle.

My iPod seems to have died. I guess I dropped it one too many times… I am crushed, because now I have no buffer between myself and the intense noise of traffic and travelling to and from work. Bleah…. plotting new purchase…. upgrade.

Praying for money.

Sweet Thing still hasn’t called….. so our Conversation has not happened, and all is still on pause, one way or the other.

I wonder if he know how much I want him to talk to me. I’ve been thinking it would be great if he would just tell me, “I don’t want you. I don’t care about you now leave me alone.” At least then I would know how he felt about me, know where I stand, could heal and then move on. It bothers me that it’s been since Tuesday I requested an audience and he is still yet to do more than acknowledge the request.

I also find it interesting that he has NEVER said how he feels about me at all. When I have pressed him for a response he has been deflective, evasive and unwilling to say anything definite. This is why I pulled away to begin with. I hated the not knowing. However, I think he reveals so much by what he conceals. He underestimates my powers, so somehow he thinks I don’t know that; he doesn’t know I have the strength to pierce the veil of his silence enough to get the right kind of clues to piece together the puzzle this relationship has handed me.

I keep cautioning myself to remain grounded in the moment and in simplicity.

My girlfriend boofed me asking me if I was going to go out and get a manicure and a pedicure and then sit up in the house complaining that I can’t get none. She’s right, I’m a punk…. I just don’t know if I am up to wiggling it tonight.

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The Vault


mermaid, dayo's mama, water priestess, chaNjuzu, writer, web developer, omo yemoja, dos aguas, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, trini-bajan, combermerian, second life, music, music, music!