This morning, my Mother was with me…. she touched me, she thanked me for my offering of sweet candy and cookies. Talade, talade Olomi! Oshun talade! She touched me, and accepted my offering and I am content.
I feel better this morning than I have in at least a few weeks. I still feel tired, and not 100% but deep inside, I feel better. I feel like internally, the tide of confusion I have been in, has turned.
I am going to learn what it means to step away from negativity, disrespect, undervaluing, being taken for granted. I’ve decided to value me and I have to find a way to treat myself better, and not take responsibility for other people and their shit.
That said, I went to look at my new apartment a couple nights ago. It’s so beautiful… the bedrooms are good sized, I have a good sized kitchen area and living area, a washroom….. and best of all, I get to keep my doggies!!!! Frodo and Samwise get to come with me!!! I was kind of worried about that.
Also, best of all, a girlfriend of mine is taking the apartment next door, so I will have company nearby, and I won’t be by myself. I am probably going to buy my fridge this weekend, and I’m still trying to figure out how to get a washer as well.
The last couple of weeks, I’ve kind of been letting someone else’s despair infect me, and I have neglected my spiritual self. My temporal life has suffered, because understandably difficult emotions became far too much to handle without my spiritual support system to lean on for strength. See that’s a lesson to remember… we are spirit in flesh… and one cannot exist or function with proper care and consideration for the whole!
All in all, although I am still broken-hearted about the young man and his blatant neglectful passive aggressive fuckwittage, but deep in myself, I feel better about the choices I have made regarding him. With regards to my brother, I did something to protect myself from being taken advantage of again, and I don’t feel guilty about what I am doing. I am going to be free if it kills me, if I roast in hell, I am going to be free.
I have also rebooted my spiritual hard-drive….. I think I need to concentrate on that and myself for a while, and stop worrying about other people and what they think about me. I will still be horny at night, I’ll still miss my family and I’m sorry to lose friends, but you know, friends don’t treat each other the way I’ve been treated, so I gots ta go…. see ya when ah see ya. That’s my vibe these days. About the family part, well, family is family, I STILL need a break.
Okay, gotta go and get ready for work…… MANTRA: I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. I need it.