1. I love arts and crafts, but mostly embroidery, card-making and scrapbooking.
2. I was reading university-level literature and textbooks on history and sociology before I reached secondary (high) school.
3. I was born in Trindad & Tobago.
4. I have read thousands of books in my lifetime, I only remember the really good ones and the really bad ones now.
5. I am an avowed and proud former Combermerian.
6. I am a certified guider for the Girl Guide Association of Barbados.
7. I love the smell of paper. To this day, I always go into the pressroom of newspapers, because I love the smell of the paper and ink, and the sound of the press rolling.
8. My father was a former soldier, and a Black Power man, who helped to lead an abortive coup against the government of Trinidad & Tobago in 1970.
9. I write poetry.
10. I am a member of “The Imelda Marcos Society” in Second Life (shoe addicts, our group tag is “Look@My Shoes”.
11. I am a die-hard, dyed-in-the-wool, card-carrying, dues-paying Mac Geek.
12. I have not bought anything from iTunes in four years.
13. I am still missing London.
14. I was in labour for 34 hours, but it wasn’t worse that my worst period ever.
15. I have never been married.
16. I believe in the right for consenting adults to choose to live their lives in the way that makes them happy, and fulfils them as human beings. This means, gay people, straight people, black and white, purple and blue, chickens and bears…. any pairing that that you can think of, except adult and child and human and animal is totally fine with me. This includes alternate lifestyles as well, piercers, tattooed, hippies, christians, muslims, rastafari, do ya ting star… get through. Love each other up!
17. I have been celibate for three years. (By choice… HARD choice.)
18. Is not really very impressed with fuckwittage. No, not really.
19. I have been writing stories since I knew what the letters meant and how words make sentences.
20. My mother is a career teacher.
21. Thinks Obama is going to be good for America and the world, but is still cynical about politics and politicians.
22. I am fiercely independent, but have been blessed a thousand times by those angels who have helped me along the way.
23. Thinks any man who was raised by a single mother and disrespects women, deserves tonguelashing regularly. Any man who disrespects women needs tonguelashing. Weakling! Man up!
24. I have learned how to be diplomatic in the face of utter and complete stupidity, but when my bitch face goes on, it can be exceedingly unpleasant.
25. I am child of Yemoja and Osun is my foster mother. One day I will devote myself to their service.

Today was my first hell day.

I’ve spent all day working on a piece of code, and it’s been kicking my ass.

I have a splitting headache, I need a cigarette and there’s no solution in site.

I LOVE this shit!!!

Feeling pretty good today.

I was paid on Friday, so I am officially a HIGHLY PAID well employed woman.

Yesterday I went to see a babalawo. I want to tell you all about how he saw this and that. Mostly he told me that I need to stop worrying so much. Also, that I need to stop talking out my business before I’m finished.

For the most part though, it is an echo of things told to me before. I have work to do, certainly, but for the most part all is well with me. I am safe, I am being protected and there’s no rush for me to do anything. I can take my time and develop myself and my spiritual skills in my own time.

Right now, the sun is shining in my life.

Eh… allyuh, when ah get a chance ah must tell you about this Jamaican fella that tracking me serious, serious, oui? Chile, two and three times a day he’s calling me.

He’s very sweet and amazingly, we have the same birthday, born in the same year. Hmmmm…. it’s interesting. The Nigerian guy who I had a date with in late Nov. last year, has popped back up and the Ethiopian is also on the scene. Most interestingly, there’s this whitebread Aussie guy who seems interested as well. Nice fella…. met him on the train again this morning. He’s sweet, he’s given me my first Valentine’s day pressie in at least a year or two. Actually, he got some free chocolates at the entrance to the train station and he gave them to me. So I dunno if that actually counts. Anyway, I think he’s cute and for me to admit I’m attracted to a white boy is quite momentous.

Even more momentous, is this overwhelming male attention I seem to be getting right now. I think my pheremones are sending out the old ‘come hither’, because chile, meh goan need a stick soon fi beat dem off.

No sexual joy yet though. Nothing to report on that front, but the day is young. There may be news tomorrow.

It’s been a long, long while since I’ve posted one of these. ——

You have the Goya girl look. A Goya girl had an air of extreme elegance and sophistication. They liked richness of every kind. The artists excelled in painting brocades and tapestry, cloth of gold and silver, gauzy fabrics and black lace. You could have modeled for the great Spanish painters, such as Valasquez and Goya. Both were painters to the royal court of Spain.

‘Pretty As A Picture’ – Which Artist Would Paint You?

brought to you by Quizilla

These two pics are my makeshift altar for my Ancestors.

And that is me… although I look a little racoon-ish don’t you think?

Taken with the 2.5G phone I’ve been using the last week and a half.

This job is turning me into a phone junkie too…. kinda want to get a 3G phone now.

The resolution on these pics aren’t very good, but then the phone I’m using is an old one. Also, I’m pretty sure my hand was shaking all over the place, although I tried. So here’s my first experiment with mobile blogging.

I’ve seen these amazing 2 megapixel camera phones being advertised.

So…. looks like there’ll be a new dimension to the goddess room now, doesn’t it?

As of this afternoon, I am still fundless.

However, that will change next week as I have made arrangements to be paid every week, and there’s only one small  piece of paperwork left to fill out, and that’ll be done today or Monday, and then I’ll get paid on Wednesday.

So this is where I guess the surreality part comes in. Despite all the horrors of the last year, at this moment I feel like I did when I got on the plane to come up to England. As though I was in a dream and I was afraid to wake up and find out it wasn’t true.

I am in England. It’s been more than a years since I started writing about leaving the Caribbean and coming up here. To be honest, you know, even as I was psyching myself up for the leap, there’s a real  serious part of me that didn’t think I was going to get up here. And by here, not just being physically in England, but here, in a great job, working for a multi-national billion dollar company, working with cutting edge technology and making very good money too.

I guess once I was up here too, and the job didn’t happen in the first few weeks like I had hoped, it was just a constant battle against self doubt, stress, poverty and itinerance. I lost my heart many times to the fight, and it was all I could do to just curl up and cry my heart out. I’ve cried so much in the last two years.

Somehow though, as dreamlike as this week has been (and I do mean it, not just my awe at my physical surroundings and such, but because I’ve been getting up at 5AM every morning to haul my ass across London, then on to the Thames Valley to get to work on time) I guess my indulgence in self pity was just that. Because in truth, I wondered about the inherent promise of water the numerous signs this particular leg of my life’s journey indicated, yet took so long to materialise once I was here, I don’t think it shook my faith in the choices I made. In fact, in made my faith in God, my faith in the Ancestors and the Orishas even stronger. There is no other force that could have brought me to this point. It was purely the strength of my own will and that of the Orishas and Ancestors working together.

I look at my life now, and I realise I have a social life. A real social life with friends, outings, meetups, parties, limes, shopping (even with no money) and most amazing of all, in LONDON! I never thought it was going to be London, in my mind I was going to go to Birmingham or Manchester, not London. Yet here I am.

Surreal. Like I said.

So most critical right now — other than getting enough money to get to work next week, because again I am down to nothing and with no guarantee of getting money this weekend so again I don’t know how I am getting to work on Monday — is finding a place to live after the 4th of March.

Tonight’s the night, going down to Fulham to stay at Ms. G’s.

I’m trying to find a flat near Paddington, which is the station I leave from every morning. I need to do that to avoid dramas like this morning.

I left in enough time to get to the station before the 7.30am train, yet once I got to North Greenwich, it was to discover the the Jubilee line was suspended between Waterloo and Baker’s St.

Worse, the train inched it’s way to Waterloo. It was held at North Greewich for nearly ten minutes. That’s ten minutes of being PACKED up against people in a seriously crowded train. Got to Canary Wharf, and was held on the platform for yet another ten minutes. Got to Canada Water, another wait; got to Bermondsey, YET ANOTHER WAIT.

By 7.30am, I was still in London Bridge. In the end I had to get the Bakerloo into Paddington, and waiting a half hour for the 8.35am Exeter St. David’s train, got to work about an hour late.

It’s a good thing it’s so relaxed here, because noone batted an eyelid, it seems their quite used to commuters, since a good chunk of the people here commute from London or near London.

Anyway, I’m hoping to get a little place somewhere near enough to Paddington to cut down on not just travelling time to work, but the chance of delays cramping me that badly.

I’m hoping to find a nice place; somewhere with wooden floors and big windows. I don’t need much, but I don’t want to be cramped either.

So we’ll see how it goes, eh?

Anyway, the same way I got to work this week, is the same way I’ll get to work next week I guess. By the grace of God and the kindness of someone.

So I made it through my first week of work. What a blessing to be able to get up in the morning and come to work! It’s amazing how easy it is to take things for granted, but I will always remember how badly I wanted this job.

As much as I say that, I’m really, really looking forward to sleeping later tomorrow and Sunday! Also, looking forward to not having to get up at 5AM, next week.

Ahhh…. simple pleasures; simple joys.

It’s still all sinking in. Not just that I got the job, but how it happened, like silk on silk.

I’m just a little overwhelmed by it all… to work for what I am worth is something I’ve never done before and it’s kind of doing in my head.

I am a blessed child, I never doubted it, but the walk through the last year of my life has just been unbelieveable.

I am now here, on the brink of something great again and for the first time in years limitless possibilities are stretching in front of me.

It’s not just the job. It’s the job, the money, the options it presents, and more. I’m getting more calls for work than I can literally take on, so I have to give up some in favour of others, prioritise and time manage in order to fit it all in.

So goodbye to the cold nights of working security with my cousin’s friend. Soon, it will be goodbye to staying with people and having to deal with their dramas.

I have been looking at flat listings and realise that this job will allow me literally to get just what I want, in a really toney area of London, literally any one I want in West London. I’ve never been so fortunate as to be in that position.

Ancestors! People think honouring your Ancestors is a waste of time, but for me, it’s been a way to become intimate with the grace, the ase, the flows from the spiritual realm.

More than that, I’ve also begun to work with my Ori (my personal and most important Orisa), and the two things in combination have been hauling me out of the shit, inch by inch, foot by foot. Ase! Ase! Ase!

For all of you who have regularly left comments in support of me and my struggle for self actualisation: I thank you. I thank all of you. All of you who have donated money and sent me money long distance, and sent me messages to keep my hopes up, all of you helped in whatever way you could and from the bottom of my soul, I thank all of you.

I’m still gobsmacked. This is going to take some getting used to.

So here I am back in London.

I wish I could tell you all is just peachy, but it’s not. I am still abysmally broke and well I haven’t heard from that damn agency yet regarding any work.

I am staying with Monilove, and while things aren’t bad, they aren’t great either. I worry because I think some kind of fracture has occured in our relationship but I simply don’t have the emotional resources to fix it.

She has given me three weeks to stay with her, as her flatmate is coming back from St. Vincent at the end of January.

That said, one of my oldest and dearest girlfriends called me a couple nights ago and told me she’s going to Barbados for three weeks and she’d be happy to let me stay in her flat in Fulham.

She herself has been going through a rough period, but she and I have always had mad love for one another. You know, I’m beginning to think my closest friends I made before I was sixteen and all others are acquaintances.

In terms of work, I’m going to be doing some more of that part-time secutiry work. My cousin’s friend showed up–actually called me just after the White Bath on Sunday–and asked me if I needed something. It’s not much, but it’s enough for food and travel cards.

Tomorrow I’m going to see the Barbados High Commissioner here to seek his advice and counsel regarding my traumas and dramas.

I want to be upbeat, but the thing I fight the most these days is exhaustion…. exhaustion born of stress, worry and depression.

There… that’s it, I’m depressed.

My Ancestors are working for me, I have good Spirit working on my behalf, and I feel as though my travails are coming to an end. It’s coming up in my Tarot, other forms of divination, yet it’s hard to let go of my concern for my future.

All of Sunhead is down. All of it and I need to get it back up. I have $10 in my PayPal account thanks to the ever lovely, always supportive Prettytrini, butit’s not enough to get it back up.

I am tired of writing these ‘woe is me’ entries, but I have very little else to report.

My faith has been stretched and pulled like taffy and it is only because the Orishas are blessing me constantly with food to eat and a roof over my head that my faith has not been lost completely.

The White Bath was a calming experience. I also gave my Ori some coconut water, and have promised to feed it every two weeks in the same manner. I have started offering my Ancestors coffee and prayers in the morning again. What’s interesting is it doesn’t feel like a chore, and I am seeking communion with them, because it is only through the blessings of my Ori and my Ancestors that I can get through this.

I am good for a place to stay until the 4th of March, and I have a little pick for the next few weekends, so at least, as always all hope is not lost. Except this struggle has taken it’s toll on me.

Yes… I am still alive.

I am in Clacton… oh yes, I am in Clacton. Wrote something long and lovely and put it in my pocket darlings, but there’s no port here I can use.

Working on getting stuff together… but I am alright. Will resume normal communications when all is settled, and AOL accepts my modem’s handshake and authentication…

Please keep the prayers and good vibes coming.

Bluemoaner, Blackgypsy, I’m working on your templates (I think they look phat!)

Eyaniev, please send me better pics and I’ll work on yours too. I have a job working at a book packing plant next week. Minimum wage, no doubt, but it helps… also there’s a big sale at Christmas and a regular employees discount and I get to spend all day in a huge building with stacks and stacks of books, reeking delightfully of new paper and newly dried ink. Certainly a side of the publishing industry I am yet to experience.

Please ya’ll, keep praying for me…

Yesterday was both a low point and a fighting point.

I was distressed by not getting that job, I really was. I can’t lie and say I am not worried about money, and how to make out and get by.

The only person who is helping me financially right now is my mother, and she is a teacher and not able to do much, and I really do not have much heart to ask for much.

Last night, I was pondering the struggle it has been to get to England, to stay here up to now, and pondering maybe my foolishness in just thinking things would click into place in a minute.

So I posted some of my most recent problems by way of an introduction over at Lukuminity, where I have been a member for a year, but where I have posted nothing until a couple of weeks ago.

Yesterday, the worry and despair about not getting that job almost got me.

After I cried, I sent out dozens of CVs, even tamale, and keifel were sending me links, hooking me up with people. I got some positive feedback on a part time something, putting up listings on eBay and paying minimun wage.

I’ve been posting my whole ile dramas in a couple of online forums, seeking both guidance and understanding and hoping to connect with other Orisa practitioners, in the hopes of finding my way in the dark. So I posted it to  Lukuminity, and a big hearted Osun Mama, wrote me back and said:

First, mama recognize this dispair does not belong to you and CLEAN YOURSELF.  Take 3 white eggs, clean yourself from head to toe and smash them in the toilet (one of god’s greatest inventions cause it takes all the kaka away (sorry)).  Second, clean ur room, go military on it.  If you can get some rum, camphor and amonia and mop with it, afterwards change the furniture around, if you cannot do this, get a spray bottle, fill it with cologne, fresh basil, camphor (crush it up) and spray the corners of where you sleep, spray the bed and under it, change things around.  

Then get some white flowers, cologne, efun/cascaria (I know there are botanicas in England) and a little goat milk/cow milk and some cocoa butter.  I want you to mix these ingredients together in a big bowl, with your left hand, stirring counter clockwise, call your guardian angel, spirit guides and protectors to come and assist you in the blessing of the bath, ask for spiritual tranquility, clear vision to perservere, good health and the energy to sustain through.  Take a regular shower, then say a prayer to God and slowly pour the mixture over your head, afterwards, pat yourself dry, and dress in white or light colored clothing.  Then I want you to get a small glass of water and a tiny penny candle or tea light, and dedicate the glass of water to your guardian angel spirit guides and protectors, THATS ALL YOU NEED FOR RIGHT NOW, all life starts with water and that one glass will suffice for now, and its virtually free (except for the glass and little candle which should cost you .99 cents or less).

After that, dont despair anymore, clean yourself from your head down to your feet constantly (fruits, candies thrown in the street, bread, eggs) until you can get further assistance.  Keep your personal area scrupulously clean (where there is mess and disorder, there is chaos), dress in light colors, and if you cannot afford flowers, cheap cologne, little bit of milk, cascaria/efun will do temporarily.  Also, fresh basil added to the mix, or fresh mint will refresh and revive you.

Next, I want you to get some penny candies (less than one dollar) and I want you to go to the 4 corners of your house ask Elegua to please open your paths, throw the candies and pennies on each corner, something is something until you can propitiate him better.  When you find a job you really want, put the name, address, phone number, next to your glass of water and tell your spirits what you want (the baby that doesnt cry, doesnt get no milk, so ASK)

Keep on truckin, and dont loose your faith.  We have a member from OLU in England, I will hit him up on the IM and see if he can assist you with anything (his name is C).

Please keep in touch, and have heart and faith.

From: OLU::Topic::Wandering Truths, Apetebii & Who To Trust?

So I did. I went out, got the milk and flowers, used cocoa butter and efun I had, and made the milk bath.

I vacumed and got rid of old papers in my room, cleaned my room up.

I prayed, I cleansed myself with the eggs, and did as she asked.

This morning, I got up early and ignoring traffic and stares, I went out and lighted four candles in the crossroads near here and left sweets for Baba Esu, imploring him to keep my roads open.

I feel better. This is the first real work I’ve done since I’ve been in England and I feel better for having done it.

I have to get up now and get ready to go… I have to get to Orpington early enough to find my way to the agency’s office, and I need to make sure I look good when I go.

I have everything laid out neatly, but I have to try and get everything organised before I go.

Thank you from all the people who left encouraging comments, you don’t know how much it means to me to have your support.

Tamale especially, many of the things you said yesterday in your PM struck me, and although when I read them I cried harder for a while, it really encouraged me.

All of you are kind to me when I need it, and especially to Mama Ochun Kofa De, whose simple bath and offering to Baba Esu helped me tremendously last night: I THANK YOU! MODUPE, ADUPE!